Mama bears stepcub

When I married my hubby I made vows. Vows where I promised to love him, care for him and stand by him, (even when he is annoying me). In doing that I believe I made these promises to my step son also. Mr J and I have an amazing relationship, which is growing stronger every day. I am not going to lie and say it has always been perfect because at the start it was hard. When you are starting out a new relationship having a mini person constantly reminding you that he has a mummy, who his daddy used to love is hard. It didn’t help that his mummy didn’t particular like me either. There were times when I wondered if I would ever be able to have a bond with this child and it used to truly upset me, because I knew that if I loved hubby I had to love this mini part of him. 

Then I had an interesting thought, I realised that I needed to relax and stop trying to force this step mama/stepson relationship.  I needed to let it grow naturally and it worked. Over time we have created our own perfect relationship where, in Mr J’s words, ‘I’m better than his daddy’. Winner. I’m not a big fan of the whole step mama title, Mr J already has a mama bear and in my opinion the name mama is reserved for her. He is quite happy to call me Blue, a nickname hubby gave me when we were dating that just stuck. Mind you that’s not just a Mr J thing it’s also what most of his family call me as well, to the point that it’s weird if they call me Claire. 

It must be so hard to have two sets of parents. I know we all thought as kids 2 sets of presents, 2 birthday parties, 2 bedrooms and all of that is true., however he also has to contend with 2 sets of rules and 2 sets of siblings. I once got cross at him for swearing in front of Mr s and Mr B, after lots of tears and time on the naughty step Mr J explained that he is allowed to say this word at mummy’s and he didn’t know it was swearing, cue me feeling like the biggest bitch in the world, I had just disciplined a 7-year-old who in his eyes had done no wrong. It is hard to manage especially now I have my own children in the house as well. I don’t want them exposed to certain behaviours, however sometimes they will see them from Mr J, purely because his mummy and step dad have a different way. I can’t expect him to understand this and change the minute he arrives, “right Mr J, put your daddy’s house head on now please”, it just doesn’t work that way.

Mr J is a lovely child and a fantastic big brother with a wonderfully unusual imagination. I walk away from a conversation with him thinking, how do you see the world the way you do without some form of hallucinogenic drug. He literally never stops talking, words fall out faster than his brain can process them, which is probably why he comes out with such peculiar one liners. I wanted to include a list of his best comments so I asked my niece and nephew what funny things he had said lately. Their answer summed it up, “I don’t know, he just always say’s weird things all the time”.

11.       On a recent trip to Dunelm with my sister, Mr J was staring at the display beds, (which as we all know are small as they are not real beds, they are simply to display bedding sets). Mr J went on to shout across the store, “auntie B, why are there so many beds for midgets in here”. I am aware ‘midgets’ is probably highly un pc, but 7 years olds haven’t developed the pc filter yet. 

22.       A few weeks ago Mr J told me that he had told his teacher than gran was very rich. I questioned why he thought this. “well everything in her house is made out of silver and diamonds”, (she has a grey and silver living room and likes sparkly bits and bobs). 

33.       While staring out the window in the car looking very thoughtful –

 “are you ok Mr J”,

“yes, I’m just looking out the window and thinking”

“what are you thinking about”

“I’m thinking that the window is see threw”

44.       Mr J said to me last weekend’ “imagine if we were all fish”. I asked him what would be different, his reply was so simple and yet so true. “we’d all be fish”

55.       “I’ve been talking to some friends at school, we have decided when we are older we are all going to live together in a big house, no girls though, not because I’m gay just because I don’t like girls”.

Talking of living in a big house, our house has felt huge this week as my parents have been on holiday. For those who don’t know we moved back in with my folks in January while we save for our own house. It is fine as the way the house is we have a lot of our own space, however this time on our own again has been nice, (mainly because it’s been acceptable for us to walk around in our underwear in this heat). Its really boosted my savings head as its reminded me what we are saving for. So its decided, no more midnight eBay auctions where winning becomes a fight for pride, no more impulse sale buys for things I’ll use once and pack away while completing night feeds and defiantly no more in game purchases on candy crush, no matter how hard the jelly king is.

Good day to you. x

Mama bears crappy day

Yesterday was a bad day. No that doesn’t give justice to how bad it was. It was a dreadful, terribly dog shit day. That just about sums it up. It started off so well. Mr B slept in until 8am which is a record for him and Mr S was happy to lie in my bed watching cbeebies while I cat napped, (be honest mums, what would we do without Mr Tumble and his spotty bag). We went in the garden where they both played nicely and then they fell asleep together on the chair. Perfect morning…….. then it happened. 

I lay down and closed my eyes on the sun lounger and at that moment Mr B screamed and I mean screamed. I jumped up and saw blood all over his face. Que mummy panic, cold sweats, shaking and wondering how long an ambulance would take at this precise moment. Turns out he had bit his tongue in his sleep, however he continued to cry and cry and cry. So obviously Mr S woke up and was terrified by all the screaming and commotion, he ran to me crying and shaking while demanding up. Neither would settle and both were clearly still tired so I decided to go in and try and settle them in their own beds.

On the way upstairs, (3 flights of stairs while carrying them both), Mr B pulled a chunk out of Mr S's curls, prompting more screaming and writhing resulting into me clinging onto them by their nappies. Once I had them settled I went down to get my drink out of the garden and stood in a dog shit. Marvellous, (sarcastic). By the time I had cleaned up and called the dogs a lot of angry words under my breath, Mr B was up. No word of a lie he cried and whined for the rest of the day.

When Mr S woke up he wanted to be continually held, that is until he decided to be mummys big boy and go and play on his slide. Ahhhhh, sigh of relief. I put my feet up and phoned hubby to tell him how bad my day was and how of course it was all his fault for being in work when he should be helping me, when a shuttlecock came over the fence from the children playing next door. Being the wonderful neighbour that I am I threw it back to them which in Mr S’s eyes was an invitation for him to spend the next 5 minutes inconsolably crying, pointing at the fence and giving me the stink eye. I explained several times that we can’t just go in peoples gardens and he could play with me, he ignored me and got louder. He is so rude, not listening, just like his father.

By this point I was at the point of breaking. I bundled them both into the kitchen secured them in their highchairs and began their tea. Funny how crying children sound louder in the kitchen. I checked they were both securely strapped in, then went for a mummy wee, which is code for going to the bathroom, shutting the door, sitting on the floor and having a little cry. Then getting up stronger and ready to start again. It’s similar to a daddy poo, which is when daddy goes in the bathroom, LOCKS the door and sits on Facebook. Don’t even get me started on how daddy always needs a ‘poo’ when there is something to be done. That’s a whole other blog. (he just read this and defended himself with, “it’s not always Facebook, sometimes its Instagram.”)

 I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes I just have to walk away. If I know my boys are safe, fed, watered and clean its sometimes best to just have a minute, let them have a minute and then start again, (p.s this works with hubbys as well). Mr S refused tea and threw every last crumb of my hard work to the dogs, Mr B ate every last bit while making sure that he got just enough in his hair.

Now I have a rule, if a child is cranky put them in water. I knew they would not give me chance to run them a bath so I switched on the shower. Mr B got in and was instantly happy. It was as though he hadn’t spent the day screaming and tongue biting, why didn’t I do this sooner. Mr S however was not happy and gripped me so hard his nails broke the skin. I suddenly realised the sooner I get them washed and pyjamaed the sooner this sucky day is over and I can drink. At this point I stood up took a deep breath and thought there is only one thing to do, pick him up, get in the shower and sit there with them. I was in that much of a rush to end this horrific day I didn’t even undress. When hubby walked in from work there we were, the three of us sat in the shower basin. Mr B splashing manically, me clothed, wet and broken with Mr S cradled on my knee having his hair washed.

Now these bad days don’t happen too often but when they do my gosh they are hard. All is well that ends well though. I ordered Chinese, I ate the bar of dairy milk that I’d put away for father’s day, (warning hubby that if he mentioned my diet at any point I would stab him with my chopstick), I had a gin and watched Big Bang Theory. What can I say, I love being a mum.

Good day to you

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Mama bear loves Papa Bear

I adore my husband; I know everyone says that but I truly do. He is one of the most caring and loving people I have ever encountered. Well done to my lovely mother in law for raising such a wonderful son. He has stood by me through the highs and lows, and when I say lows I mean low, lower than a body under Gail Platt’s annex, (corrie reference for those not in the loop). He stood there smiling and holding my hand while I was having regular meetings with my doctor and counselling team to get through the worst of my depression. He helps me through the bad days where the D word rears its ugly head and makes everything dark and unachievable. He holds me when I am worried and anxious for the future but above all he is ALWAYS there for me. Don’t get me wrong we argue like all normal couples do, but hubby has this way of calming it and ending it before it goes any further.

He is an amazing father and is wonderful role model to all three of his sons. He shows them daily how to work hard and provide for your family. He teaches them how to be active and enjoy every minute of every day. He really is the best father I have ever met; I know as our children grow they will see him the same way. 

BUT……. And there’s always a but. He has some very annoying habits.

1.       1. He cannot put socks in the wash basket when he takes them off. I have told him time and time again that it annoys me when he leaves them about, yet he still can’t grasp the concept. He said that he doesn’t do it that often, so I had no choice but to take photographic evidence, (see below), and WhatsApp him every time I find them. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were just next to the basket, but they turn up in different places every day. Sometime I feel like a sock hunter. Creeping round the house sniffing out his cheesy cotton foot bags. As a punishment he will be receiving a calendar for Christmas with a different sock pic every month.

2.     2.   He completely phases out when he is watching telly or reading something sport related. I could literally run in naked, screaming while holding a large stick on fire and he would not move his head. His eyes would stay glued on a man kicking a ball or a man with weird clothes saying something or other about Jon Snow. 

3.      3. We are currently on a healthy eating kick together; (I don’t say diet as I’m scared of the commitment that comes with that word). Every so often I will have a little ‘naughty’ treat, as does hubby. However, when I have a naughty moment Hubby takes it upon himself to point out the calorie content, that my choice of snack is not the best option and that I’ll regret it in a few days. Seriously who made him Mr Weight Watcher. After his little moment of being higher than mighty, I can’t enjoy my snack as I’m racked with guilt. 

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4. 4.     He cannot tell the short version of things, which is a gene he has passed down to my stepson Mr J. His point could be that he went downstairs and there was someone at the door, however Iain’s story would be, ‘I went to the stairs and decided to go down, I checked that no one was coming up as its unlucky to cross on the stairs. Once I saw that the stairs were safe I began my decent. As I arrived at the bottom step I heard a noise, I was unsure what it was so I checked the door. It turns out there was someone at the door and the noise was him knocking.  Sometimes I can be listening to him for 20 minutes and still not have the main point of the story. 

Luckily for him he is worth managing his bad points. He really is my world and he knows that no matter how annoying he is at times I will always love him.

On a final note I had my niece and nephew stay over last night, which was great. I really don’t see enough of them. They are both really imaginative and hilarious in equal measure. 

When they stay over and Mr J is here I don’t see them for the rest of the night as they just play to their hearts content and it’s great to see. This morning they had run out of ideas for things to do so I suggested we play an alphabet game. For every letter in the alphabet they had to think of a job title. My Niece got one, I had to whisper the rest to her as she just couldn’t think of anything. My nephew did quite well, but he does have 2 years’ brain power on the other two. The best however was Mr J who for the letter V said VIBRATOR. I was in shock, what do you say when a 7-year-old says vibrator as a job.

“why what’s a vibrator Mr J”

“It’s a person who for a job makes things vibrate”

Phew panic over.

Good day to you x

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