How clean is your bear cave

When you have children in the house, or even just a hubby like mine, you will spend the majority of your waking hours cleaning. It seems that no matter how hard you try to get on top, there is always more mess. So I am going to share with you all mama bears top ten tips to manage cleaning in your bear cave.

1. Who really has the time to break out the duster everyday. If the sides are dusty crack out the baby wipes. What’s good for baby’s butt is good for dust. Another tip when it comes to dust, only have short friends, you only need to dust as high as your tallest friend.

2. If your children insist on getting out every toy they have within 5 seconds, then you have the same issue I do. Messy kids room. My cleaning tip here is so simple and yet effective. Shut the door. The mess can’t be seen and as far as anyone knows there’s an Instagram worthy nursery behind that door.

3. When the dishes are starting to resemble a game of kitchen top jenga and you have guests on the way, don’t panic. Fill the sink with hot soapy water, add the dirty dishes and walk away. This way your guests will think your just leaving your dishes to soak, not just too lazy to wash pots.

4. My favourite cleaning tip is when the bin needs emptying. Who wants to put on their shoes and go out to the bin with a heavy bin bag in the rain? Not me. Instead of putting all that effort in simply point it out to your partner and tell them how much you’ve already done today, (I’ve probably not done much but hubby doesn’t need to know that), rather than  listen to you moan, they’ll just take out the rubbish.

5. When it comes to the bathroom it’s the sniff test. If it smells of pee, (I live with hubby, a potty trainer and an 8 year old with poor aim, so it usually does), you unfortunately have to clean it, if it doesn’t smell like pee, your fine. Just walk away you have another day or two.

6. Sometimes your home will become a bit overwhelmed with all the stuff you acquire. When this time arises you are in need of a good clear out.  There are two was too go about said clear out. Spend hours maybe even days wading through cupboards and shelves throwing away anything you haven’t used or even looked at in 6 months, then make the tiresome journey to the charity shop with your bags of unwanted items, Or take my advice. clear out the mama bear way. Find a near empty cupboard and fill it up with all that crap. That’s where it will stay and the cupboard will now be known as ‘the crap cupboard’.

7. Clothes have to be washed, that’s a given, especially with messy children.  Save time afterwards, instead of wasting time putting the clean clothes away put  all clean  clothes in a basket and simply take items out of the basket as you need them, until there are no clean  clothes left, then repeat.

8. Once every so often you are going to have to clean  properly, I know it makes me sad too. My tip for keeping your home clean. Do not allow your husband or children back into the house ...... ever. If you do have to let hubby back in, put him on a promise. No one cleans faster than a man expecting to get lucky.

9. When the day does come where real cleaning has to take place, put on queen and pretend your Freddie Mercury. Nothing makes me hoover fiercer than pretending to be Freddie as a moustached woman.

10. Get rich, hire a maid, sit down and eat ice cream.

I hope my 10 tips will help you have a more relaxed cleaning experience. I must warn you though, following my tips may result in mice, dirt build up and a staring slot on How clean is your house.

Good day to you xx

The truth about mothers day

The best thing about it almost being March is that means its almost Mothers day. I love mothers day. What mother wouldn't. You get breakfast in bed and presents, usually a variety of pink crap with variations of the word mum on it. Your children craft some weird splodge on a piece of paper which resembles a troll's vomit, but is apparently flowers. Whats not to love.

 

Last year however i explained to my husband that I loved him and the children, and for that reason I was going to save them the effort. Save the money you were going to spend on pink mum crap, don't waste your time burning my toast for me and I don't need my 100th 'flower' painting. Instead i want you to all wake up, quietly, so as not to wake me, get dressed and leave. Yes you read that correctly, I asked them all to leave. I obviously don't mean forever, just for the day.

As a tired, over stressed mother of 2 young boys, (they were 1 and 7 months at the time), all I wanted for MY day was to be alone. No early start, no shitty nappies, no bottles or post feed winding. Just me, myself and I. I'm sure there are plenty of people reading this in disgust. "Why would any mother want a mothers day without her children?" The answer to that is simple. I am a real mother, a mother who just wanted a break. A mother who wanted a day to lie and watch a movie while eating crap without having to share with the cubs. I am not ashamed of my perfect mothers day, if anything I am proud that I am able to hold my hands up and ask for a break, before I break.

I spend everyday I am not working with my children, showering them with love and teaching them the ways of the world. I love my boys further than the moon and back, but I wanted mothers day to become a tradition of mamas lazy day. My hubby was happy to oblige, he agreed that I deserved the break.

Hubby woke up and sneaked into the boys rooms where he got them dressed, (in awful mismatched clothes, but he tried), got their bags ready and off he went. I woke up to the sound of silence. It was lovely. There was no tears, no waft of morning nappies, just nothing.

I got up and had my breakfast where no one was grabbing at my toast or throwing their breakfast across the room, there was just nothing... again.

I went upstairs and had a bath with no cubs having a tantrum to get in with me, no rubber duck wedged between my cheeks and a lush bath bomb as opposed to a squirt of the kids top to toe wash. It was relaxing and there was the sound of nothing .... again.

I got out of my 'mama time' bath and sat on the edge of the bed. I was so relaxed and peaceful, I was able to dry my hair and put my make up on without my boys brushing, (or should i say yanking), my hair or sticking their grubby little paws into my Mac blusher. I was ready and there was .... nothing.

At this point I started to realise I didn't like nothing, I didn't like my beautifully annoying children not being here on a day where we should be celebrating me being their mama.  I didn't want nothing. I wanted screaming, cuddling and snotty noses. I never wanted there to be nothing again. Luckily mind reader hubby rang me at that point.

hubby - "everything OK, are you enjoying your alone day"
me - "sob, sob, waaaaa, snot, sob"
hubby - "don't worry, we're on our way, we will be home in 10 minutes"

So they came home and i opened my pink mum themed crap. I cooed over my troll sick 'flower' painting. I ate lunch brought to me on a tray. It was great............... for an hour, then I missed the nothing again.

Oh well not long till the next mamas day.

Good day to you x

(mothers day this year is March 26th, don't forget to spoil your mama's)

Thumpers papa had it sussed

I am a mama of a boundary pushing 1 year old,  an extremely strong willed 2 year old and a step mama of a very inquisitive 8 year old. The reason I’m telling you this is so you understand why I am sometimes a mama on the edge.

So today I am here to inform everyone what you should never say to a mama, (or dada for that matter), on the edge.  In actual fact you shouldn’t ever say these things to any parent.

Just for the record these are actual things that have been said to me about my children.

1. You shouldn’t let your child eat that.

Oh, congratulations, I didn’t realise you had graduated from your degree in nutrition.......oh you haven’t.  Your just a wannabe Gillian Mckeith. Well guess what, no one liked her either. Now shush while my child has a biscuit!

2. You should shout at them for that, or they will never learn.
You are right, the way for them to learn right from wrong is a loud angry voice. I personally prefer to explain to them why it’s wrong, then give them a chance to understand why it’s wrong and correct there actions. But what do I know, clearly nothing or you wouldn’t be chirping up!

3. If he were mine I would ...........
Well luckily for my children you are not their parent. I am, and guess what, I’m bloody good at it.


4. They have a close age gap, you must be a glutton for punishment / have had no tv / be insane.
Actually  non of those answers, but thank you for that ridiculously offensive guess on why I have 13 months between my boys. I actually planned it this way. I wanted my children to be close in age for many reasons, none of which included the word glutton.

5. The way you’ve taught your child to ........... is wrong.
No my dear, I haven’t done it wrong I have done it differently to you. I may have taught my children in a way that wouldn’t work for you, but I can categorically say I haven’t done it wrong!

6. Why have you dressed him like that?
Because I carried him for 9 months, I then allowed a surgeon to cut a sunroof in my stomach in order to safely bring this child into the world. Therefore I will dress him however I see fit. Whether that be a pair of dungarees or a fucking where’s wally outfit.  (Just a quick note, I have not and will never dress my children  as where’s wally, well unless it’s world book day, then I might)

7. He should be potty trained, off the dummy during the day, able to count to 5, etc. etc. etc.
There is only one thing my children should be. HAPPY. I don’t really give a crap if Mr S still needs his dodo when he gets upset. I couldn’t give a toss if Mr B only talks when he feels like it. I most defiantly don’t care if my step cub takes 5 extra seconds to get a joke. That’s what makes my children, my children. They are unique, healthy, happy boys. They all learn in there own time and that’s o.k.

So please if your reading this and any of these points ever cross your mind when conversing with a member of the parent party. Bite your tongue, smile and walk away. In the words of Thumpers papa, “if you cant say something nice, then shut up”, well it was something like that.

Good day to you xx

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Mama bear and the pot pot

Mr S is currently in the midst of potty trying. It’s so easy and I’m enjoying every minute of it....... if you haven’t already realised I’m being sarcastic. Potty training is hard for both me and Mr S. I’ve read blogs, books and forums but I’m still not very good at it. 

 

 I’ve tried several tips which haven’t worked and some which have. My greatest fail was when I bought a toilet seat potty thinking he could go straight on the toilet. Before it even had its debut performance Mr S got his head stuck in it. My dad had to wedge it off because I couldn’t move for laughing. My health visitor suggested I do a wee on his potty to demonstrate. Since I left my pride and sense of embarrassment in a delivery suite 2 years ago I gave it a go. Mr S looked at me like I was stupid and then ran away and peed on my rug.

The only positive too trying to teach, (or should I say force), my difficult little man to go number one and two on a small plastic bowl is it gives me some stories to tell and laugh about.

When we first started the process Mr S would start shouting pee pee, I would sit him on his potty and wait......and wait and wait. Nothing. He didn’t quite get the concept, he thought it was just an excuse to sit down and have everyone’s attention. Because of this experience I wasn’t paying that much attention when he told me he needed it anymore. Big mistake.

Mr S was saying poo poo. I carried on dressing Mr B in his pyjamas and off Mr S went. I thought nothing of it. When I had finished getting my youngest ready for bed I got the potty and headed to Mr S room. I found him inside his pop up tent looking at his picture book. “What you doing baby” I said as I popped my head into the tent. He looked at me and smiled, I was thinking how cute he was, then I saw it. The floor of the tent was showered with puddles of liquid poop. I stopped and simply starred for a minute, I had no idea how to even begin this clean up mission. I did what any good mother would do. I got Mr S out, told him it was OK and we would try the potty next time, I picked the tent up, ran straight to the wheelie bin outside and then ordered a new one online. No amount of cleaning could have saved that tent, trust me. 

So we’re now at a stage where he has done a few number twos on the pot pot and we’re trying to master the pee pee. He is finding this hard as he doesn’t seem to be able to judge when he needs it. A few nights ago the boys were playing after bath time while I got everyone’s p.js ready. Mr S looked so confused when he started weeing, Mr B looked even more confused, but then he was sat in the line of pee pee fire. I had to take my little pee stained chunk straight back to the bath. Poor kid.

It gets worse than this though, if that’s possible. A couple of nights ago Mr S finally did a wee on his potty, which would be great, except I didn’t know he had done a wee on his potty. Poor Mr B didn’t know either and must have thought it was just a large mug of apple juice, that’s the only explanation for why I caught him drinking it. I couldn’t do anything but shout for hubby. I was dry heaving and shouting, “do something with him, brush his teeth, I’m going to be sick”. Poor poor kid. 

I’m not too worried because I know Mr S will get there eventually and I just need to persevere and keep up the praise. I’m also not too worried that Mr B got peed on as I’m sure he will get his own back in a few months when it’s his turn to potty train. In the meantime, I will just have to keep up my stocks of carpet cleaner and mop heads.

Good day to you x

Here comes Autumn

If you didn't find what you were looking for, try again using more specific search terms.I'm so happy right now because my favourite time of year is upon us. Hello Autumn I've missed your beautiful face. There are so many reasons why autumn is my most favourite time of the year, here are a few to get you excited for the coming months.

 

1.  It's getting cold. Now some people might see this as a bad thing I however see the positive in the cold. It’s so much easier to get dressed. I am a huge fan of snuggly jumpers and layers, they are so much more flattering than maxi dresses and vests and who wouldn't want to feel comfortable. 

(I think this will be my new jumper addition. I need to get my butt down to Plushbirds on pay day, its only £15 too. Click HERE if you want one.)

2. We can start wearing dressing gowns and slippers again. Which means 2 wonderful things. The first being that I get to go shopping for new robes and slippers. The second that my boys look super adorable and snuggly in their dressing gowns. Mr S loves his and wakes up every morning shouting "mama...... robe"

3. These boots are made for walking. I'm sick of sandals and flip flops. They make my feet ache and I have to keep on top of pedicures. With autumn comes boot weather. I have several pairs of boots varying from flats to heels.  I don't know what it is about putting boots on, they just make you feel ready to take on the world.

4. Autumn brings this wonderful smell. I can always tell that summer is coming into autumn because the evenings have this crisp smell of cold, I wish I could bottle it. The further into the season we get the better the smell, it gets colder and the smell of bonfires and fireworks begins to sneak in. Plus, all the shops starting stocking Christmas candles meaning there is a constant aroma of spiced apple and cinnamon.

5. The darker nights and mornings. Don't get me wrong I do miss the long summer days but the dark is better. There is something about night creeping in earlier that makes you feel homely and gives you the need to snuggle. Plus, it seems to be helping the kids sleep in past 5am which is a bonus in anyone's book.

6. As autumn brings the cold the food gets better. No more salads and light lunches as it's too warm to eat a big tea.  Bring on the beef casserole, corned beef ash and roast dinners. I also seem to use the slow cooker a lot more which means that lovely moment of coming home to the smell of cooking.

7. Walks become so much more pretty. I love throwing on our winter coats and wellingtons and going for a wander. Mother nature releases all her beauty this time of year. From frosty patches on the ground too red and orange leaves. I could walk in the woods all day looking at the beauty.

8. Television gets better. The little people in the box save all their best stuff up for now. They know we won't be sat in the garden or out in the sun in the evenings so they give us TV gold. The prime example of this being that walking dead starts in a few weeks.

9. Halloween. I'm just a big kid really I love dressing up. Now I have children I have an excuse to get into Halloween. I won't just be the weird woman sat on her own dressed as a devil. We pick our own pumpkins at the farm and then carve them, we dress up, the kids play Halloween games. It's just such fun. This year Mr S is old enough to really get involved so I'm going to town, cue scary decorations and hocus pocus film night.

10. Hats and scarves. A nice woolly scarf and hat not only blocks out the cold, it also makes you feel like a lil snow bunny. I also love hat weather as it means, messy hair don't care. Just throw a hat on and be on with your day.

So they are my main reasons for loving autumn.  I forgot the main one though. It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Have an amazing autumn guys and dolls.

Good day to you xx

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Life before Mama Bear

Before I start today's blog I have news. At the ripe old age of 27 I have finally been chosen as a bridesmaid by the beautiful bride to be, the future Mrs Pope. She is an amazing friend and I can't wait to support her when she marries the man of her dreams. Even if she makes me wear a stupid dress with big puffy sleeves in a sickening shade of orange it will be an amazing day. 

Now let's begin what you came here for - today's blog. 

I have been thinking about my life before motherhood and how different it was. Both pre babies and post babies is a brilliant life that I wouldn't want to change for the world, well I wouldn't mind changing the crying early morning wake up calls, but I doubt that's going to change anytime soon. My god my life is different now.........

1. In 2013, 1-year BB, (before baby), I went on a girl’s holiday, well girls and gays, to Palma. It was my beautiful friends 30th so we wanted to do something to remember. we went with the obvious choice of bar hopping in Magaluf dressed as bananas. On the way home I even boarded the plane in my banana ensemble to prevent baggage charges. Here in 2016, 2 year PB, (post baby), I am able to recite all the words to bananas in pyjamas, while peeling a banana for Mr S and combing banana out of Mr B's hair. No bar hopping or fancy dress in sight. But still just as fun.

2. BB I used to quite enjoy going to the bathroom. I'd take my phone and have a scan through the news or Facebook, take my time and then be on my way. PB it is the most stressful thing in the world. I spend 50% of my day cleaning up shit, and yet I can't have one without an audience. A few days ago I went to the toilet, in the few minutes it took me to do my business both kids got into the bathroom. Mr S stood at the side of me demanding a 'cuggle' while throwing sheets of toilet roll at me, Mr B grabbed some shelves to pull himself up, knocked everything off and then sat screaming till I was done. 

3. BB I used to love a bath. I would have it really hot, full of smelly products and it would be very relaxing. PB I can guarantee they will both demand to get in as soon as they hear my toe enter the water. This means it's has to be a comfortable temperature and my lovely lush products have been traded in for baby bath. What was once a relaxing way to end my day is now a splishy splashy family broth. 

4. Something else changed about baths post baby. I had never thought of a bath as anything but a tub to fill with water and bubbles. My my was I wrong. My bath now gets filled with hundreds of toys, assorted loofahs and sponges, empty bottles and a couple of times, I've even had to sift baby poo out, the less said about that the better. 

5. 2 years before baby I spent a night at my sisters looking after my niece and nephew. We spent hours in the garden bouncing on their trampoline. We were wrestling, jumping and doing tricks. It was great. I am not proud of this post baby fact, but it is a fact non the less. PB any sort of bouncing is out of the window. Put it this way, if I take part in the bouncing my waters will break all over again. If you have had a baby, you know what I'm talking about. Note to self – don’t forget your pelvic floor exercises. 

6. BB the thought of someone picking their nose was vile, I would see people doing it and think how in god’s name can you stick your finger up there, gross. Post baby I find myself quite happy to dig my children's nose gold. When I have them all clean, smart and ready to go somewhere, I am not going to let a bat in the cave ruin that perfection. Sometimes a tissue just won't reach those pesky snot balls so my finger will have to get involved. I have a friend who was that irritated with a booger in her daughter’s nose that she ended up sucking it out. She has since found there are handy gadgets to do this for you, but it's a bit late now. 

7. BB my days off were spent lying in till lunch time, then lying in bed for the rest of the day catching up on television. Making sure I was fresh for the night time when the fun would begin. Post baby my days off are no longer days off. In work or not I’ll be woken before 6am by crying and shouting. Then it's a mad dash to get everyone dressed and out for the day before the pre nap time tantrums start. In a way, being in work is more of a day off than running around after my crazy Cubs all day, but I’d still rather be here with them. I just need to come to terms with the fact that I will never lie in again. 

8. Before baby I used to have a wardrobe full of clothes. I used to buy myself a new outfit at least once a week and kept up with all the latest trends. Since my beautiful boys came into my life this has 100% changed. I alternate the same 4 tops and jeans while the boys have a full wardrobe, each. Every time I go out shopping I end up with a new top or outfit for my munchkins, even though they don’t need it, while I rock my Asda finest.... again. 

9. BB I used to use my cleanser, toner and moisturiser every night religiously before bed. Post baby by the time they are in bed and actually asleep I can rarely be bothered. I'm now more of a baby wipes kind of girl. Baby wipes are like the Swiss Army knife of parenting. 

- make up remover 

- clean faces

- clean bums

- clean hands

- wipe down the sides

- wipe high chair trays

- remove stains from clothes 

The list is endless. I still use the correct cleaning products, but day to day who needs bleach when I have Johnson’s wipe at hand.

10. I think the most important change is this one. Before baby I was the best parent there ever was. I knew exactly how everything should and shouldn't be done. Post baby I see parenting in the real world. There is no perfect way to do things as every child is different. I have 2 under 2 and they couldn't be more different. Let's be honest, we're all just winging this parenting malarkey, but as long as our children are happy we be doing a dam fine job. 

Good day to you xx

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