Thursday, 9 June 2016

Mama bears stepcub

When I married my hubby I made vows. Vows where I promised to love him, care for him and stand by him, (even when he is annoying me). In doing that I believe I made these promises to my step son also. Mr J and I have an amazing relationship, which is growing stronger every day. I am not going to lie and say it has always been perfect because at the start it was hard. When you are starting out a new relationship having a mini person constantly reminding you that he has a mummy, who his daddy used to love is hard. It didn’t help that his mummy didn’t particular like me either. There were times when I wondered if I would ever be able to have a bond with this child and it used to truly upset me, because I knew that if I loved hubby I had to love this mini part of him. 

Then I had an interesting thought, I realised that I needed to relax and stop trying to force this step mama/stepson relationship.  I needed to let it grow naturally and it worked. Over time we have created our own perfect relationship where, in Mr J’s words, ‘I’m better than his daddy’. Winner. I’m not a big fan of the whole step mama title, Mr J already has a mama bear and in my opinion the name mama is reserved for her. He is quite happy to call me Blue, a nickname hubby gave me when we were dating that just stuck. Mind you that’s not just a Mr J thing it’s also what most of his family call me as well, to the point that it’s weird if they call me Claire. 

It must be so hard to have two sets of parents. I know we all thought as kids 2 sets of presents, 2 birthday parties, 2 bedrooms and all of that is true., however he also has to contend with 2 sets of rules and 2 sets of siblings. I once got cross at him for swearing in front of Mr s and Mr B, after lots of tears and time on the naughty step Mr J explained that he is allowed to say this word at mummy’s and he didn’t know it was swearing, cue me feeling like the biggest bitch in the world, I had just disciplined a 7-year-old who in his eyes had done no wrong. It is hard to manage especially now I have my own children in the house as well. I don’t want them exposed to certain behaviours, however sometimes they will see them from Mr J, purely because his mummy and step dad have a different way. I can’t expect him to understand this and change the minute he arrives, “right Mr J, put your daddy’s house head on now please”, it just doesn’t work that way.

Mr J is a lovely child and a fantastic big brother with a wonderfully unusual imagination. I walk away from a conversation with him thinking, how do you see the world the way you do without some form of hallucinogenic drug. He literally never stops talking, words fall out faster than his brain can process them, which is probably why he comes out with such peculiar one liners. I wanted to include a list of his best comments so I asked my niece and nephew what funny things he had said lately. Their answer summed it up, “I don’t know, he just always say’s weird things all the time”.

11.       On a recent trip to Dunelm with my sister, Mr J was staring at the display beds, (which as we all know are small as they are not real beds, they are simply to display bedding sets). Mr J went on to shout across the store, “auntie B, why are there so many beds for midgets in here”. I am aware ‘midgets’ is probably highly un pc, but 7 years olds haven’t developed the pc filter yet. 

22.       A few weeks ago Mr J told me that he had told his teacher than gran was very rich. I questioned why he thought this. “well everything in her house is made out of silver and diamonds”, (she has a grey and silver living room and likes sparkly bits and bobs). 

33.       While staring out the window in the car looking very thoughtful –

 “are you ok Mr J”,
“yes, I’m just looking out the window and thinking”
“what are you thinking about”
“I’m thinking that the window is see threw”

44.       Mr J said to me last weekend’ “imagine if we were all fish”. I asked him what would be different, his reply was so simple and yet so true. “we’d all be fish”

55.       “I’ve been talking to some friends at school, we have decided when we are older we are all going to live together in a big house, no girls though, not because I’m gay just because I don’t like girls”.

Talking of living in a big house, our house has felt huge this week as my parents have been on holiday. For those who don’t know we moved back in with my folks in January while we save for our own house. It is fine as the way the house is we have a lot of our own space, however this time on our own again has been nice, (mainly because it’s been acceptable for us to walk around in our underwear in this heat). Its really boosted my savings head as its reminded me what we are saving for. So its decided, no more midnight eBay auctions where winning becomes a fight for pride, no more impulse sale buys for things I’ll use once and pack away while completing night feeds and defiantly no more in game purchases on candy crush, no matter how hard the jelly king is.

Good day to you. x


  1. Such a lovely post! It seems like your little tribe is getting on really well.#coolmumclub

  2. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your step son. Having friends recently become step-parents has opened my eyes to how hard it must have been for my own step parents. Good luck with the saving!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub


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