One of my favourite things to do is sit and look through photographs. My mum has literally thousands of me and my sister as kids smiling and having the perfect bond in every shot, and why would she not, we were great siblings. We loved each other all the time, never fought and she definitely never locked me in a shed on my own while she had fun with her friends.
I only print the ones where everyone is looking forward, smiling, red eye free and perfect. Why would I waste my money on putting our rubbish moments into the album? When I put together my wedding album I chose all the pics where our skin was perfect and I looked thin(ish). I wasn’t going to include the ones where I was in the background looking like princess Fiona.
I scroll through twitter, Instagram and Facebook and see perfect picture upon perfect picture. No one posts to the world a snap shot of their kids fighting, piles of laundry and mess, or their real morning hair. This got me to thinking about the saying ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’, maybe the saying should be ‘a picture tells a thousand lies’.
I posted this one to Instagram to show the world I was having a nice cup of tea and writing Mr B’s pretty christening invitations. Lovely morning activity. You will see however that they are lay on a mattress with no sheet. Just before I commenced this activity Mr S pulled off his nappy stood on my bed and pissed. I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up and stripping the bed. I decided that I didn’t need to mention this on my post.
Aww how cute, my new-born and my toddler. Look how they are lay so happily together they clearly love each other. This was a perfect shot of how they lie all the time so I posted it to Facebook to show the world how wonderful my boys are. I couldn't even type that with a straight face...... this was 5 seconds before.
Mr B was less than a week old here and looks so comfy and sweet wrapped up in his monkey towel. I just had to snap a picture of my baby boy after his 1st bath at home. I snapped the shot, my heart melted a little at how adorable this moment was, I opened the towel and there was shit everywhere. Not just any old poo, complete and utter liquid ass. Which on a side note Mr S ran over and touched.
To anyone else this is a simple picture of a gran hugging her grandson while eating in a café. This was actually the day my mum was going to see a specialist as the GP suspected she could have cancer. If you look closely you can see her eyes are tired and even though she is smiling I think she looks sad. We were in a café, but that was my idea to kill time as her appointment was early evening and that day was a bloody long day for me so I can’t imagine how it felt for her.
Look at the happy couple they look so fresh ad ready to start life. At the point of this pic I was really getting worried about hubby. He was shaking, sweating and drinking a lot of water. I was thinking he must be ill as when I spoke to him at 10pm the night before the wedding he told me he was off to bed to finalise his speech and be ready for the wedding. I later found out he was up till around 4am, was so drunk he left his hotel door wide open and wrote his speech on the morning of the wedding.
I love this picture as we look so happy and in love. It is a prime example of a photograph lie. This is at a wedding. I was pregnant, it was hot and I had my hormonal bitch pants on. We argued the whole time we were getting ready mainly because I thought my bump looked too fat, fell out on the way there as hubby missed a turn off and extended our journey by 5 mins, which for how angry I got may as well have been 5 hours. As soon as we got out of the car everyone was there so I painted on a smile and acted like a picture perfect family should. When we were told to kiss for the picture, I puckered up and kissed him, even though at the time I would rather of belly bounced him down a ditch.
Look at that little cutie all clean and ready for bed, what you don’t see is that Mr B had a lot of problems with milk when he was new-born and used to throw up quite a lot. I took this picture and while sending it to my mum seconds later, I heard a massive burp and Mr B projectile vomited up his full bottle. It was like in movies when you see a fire hydrant explode and fluid goes miles into the air. The bed was stripped, Mr B was stripped, even we had to get changed.
Behind every smile there may be a tear, behind every kiss their may be an argument, but most of all behind every towel there may be a shit. So next time you are looking through someones social media or photo albums and having a pang of envy. 'how do they have such a perfect life'. Remember my words 'a picture tells 1000 lies'.
p.s - please feel free to send me your 1000 lie pics x