The 'gross day'

 Some people won't do anything gross in a day, some people don't do anything gross in a month. I am not 'some people'.

I am a mother of 2 boys under the age of 3 and an 8-year-old stepson. I have a husband who can't, (or wont) clean up after himself and I am also a doggy mama, doggy auntie and doggy sister. All 3 dogs are here this week as I'm dog sitting. Oh the joys. All of this information basically boils down to the fact that gross is a daily occurrence for me. However today has been renamed 'gross day', not very catchy but gets my point across.

It is now 1.40pm and I have already been forced into doing 9 gross things. That is, I believe a personal record, maybe even a world record, (I can't prove this I'm just guessing).


1. I took Mr S’s nappy off this morning and before I could get a fresh one on he bolted. He then proceeded to pee on the bathroom floor, cue me wiping up pee at 6.45am. Great start to 'gross day' I'm sure you'll agree.


2. Mr B had pooped, I say pooped it was more melted chocolate consistency, up his back and into his hair in his sleep. My second job of the day was cleaning him up and stripping his soiled bedding. I'm starting to think my hands will never be clean by this point.


3. I came downstairs singing "things can only get better". How wrong I was. As I said earlier we have 3 dogs in the house this week, who I'm sure are trying to out shit each other! I sorted the kid’s cereal then went out to clear up all this poo. That's when number 3 happened.  I stood in one......barefoot.

4. I proceeded to pick up the doggy presents with poop bags. My finger went threw one. I now know my hands will never be clean. I washed my hands with practically boiling water and as much soap as we had left, it wasn’t enough.


5. The next few hours went really well until I decided to restock the nappy bags, which hubby was last to use. I found one of Mr B's bottles, it had been used and still had remaining milk in. I'm sure I don't need to tell you it’s been warm.  I swear the milk inside was starting to grow and smelt like an unshowered armpit. I enjoyed cleaning that bottle.


6. Someone, I'm guessing Mr S, threw my toothbrush in the toilet. With the day I'm having fishing a toothbrush out of the toilet seemed not so bad to be honest.


7. Mr B woke up from his nap. Basically repeat step 2.

8. Our front door is self-locking, therefore when I take rubbish to the bins I take my key, just in case. Due to the heat and damp we have had recently our bin is like the new cool hangout for every fly in the Manchester area. Put this information together and what do you get. Me taking the rubbish out and dropping my key in the bin. Rummaging through that hot, fly ridden, stinky rubbish was the point I decided today would be known as 'gross day'


9. Last but not least Mr B sneezed in my mouth.


Ladies and gentlemen I give you 'gross day'. Enjoy I'm going for an extremely hot bath and a gin. Not necessarily in that order.
Good day to you x

LINKY'S

mama bears mini bear

 

This young lady is amazing! Miss M is my niece and she makes me laugh so hard I have peed myself, literally, (I have been pregnant twice in the space of 12 months, so it can't be helped).

My sister brought this beautiful princess into the world 8 years ago, but I'm unsure about this fact. Miss M is so much like me, (personality wise) I sometimes think she must be mine and aliens planted her in my sister. I once told Miss M this fact and she panicked so much I thought she would cry. 

 

Miss M has a phobia of armpits and the hair that grows on them, to the point that if I need her to leave the room, I just lift my arm up. First glance of a pit or a pit pube and she's gone faster than a toupee in a tornado. That being said you can imagine the horror this week when Miss M discovered her first armpit hair. It was blonde and the size of a borrower’s eyebrow but she was disgusted and it is all she has had to speak about since.  

The horror she suffered at armpit gate was nothing compared to bug gate. 

Miss M accompanied me on a trip to Poundland, (being a bargain queen this is one of my favourite shops), as everything is, as it says in the title, £1. I told her she could have something and it could be whatever she wanted. How good of an auntie am I, honestly though I do treat her to things other than Poundlands finest. 

Anyway I'm getting away from the point. She picked a bug viewer with the intention of a walk to the park. In Miss M's words, "I'm going to look at insects, hopefully caterpillars and then put them back so they can find their houses". Perfect, so off we headed to the till, and so bug gate began. 

The woman on the till took the bug viewer off Miss M to scan and said "these are great, I bought my son one. We live in a flat though and he couldn't catch anything without a garden. I was sick of him moaning so I killed a bug and put it in myself" 

Miss M's face dropped. Her mouth opened so wide in shock I could see her tonsils. I quickly paid and took her outside to ask her what was wrong. Her answer "how dare she kill a bug, what right did she have to kill a bug, what a horrible woman, were not going there again". 

She spent the rest of the walk telling me why it isn't ok to hurt animals, until we passed some broken glass. Then she just ranted about how the streets aren't as nice as they used to be. 8 going on 80. 

Good day to you x

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