Friday, 21 October 2016

Mama Bears shame

I’m going to use today’s blog to rant.  I am sick of being shamed as a mother. Maybe it is my own fault, maybe I just take things too personally. Either way it’s my blog and I will rant if I want too.

Mr S had his 1st haircut a few weeks ago. Before I took him for a snip snip snip, (as he calls it), he had adorable curly hair. It was quite long but I liked it that way. The only reason I had it cut was his curls became so unruly he consistently looked like stig of the dump. A few days before his snip snip snip I was in Primark pushing my pram. An older lady approached me to say, "is he a girl". Now the fact she said "is HE" tells me she knew Mr S was a boy and was just trying to make a nasty and rude point. "No he’s a boy" I said slightly confused by such a random question. "Well why has he got girls hair" then she walked off. I felt so hurt that someone had felt the need to say this to me while I was minding my own business. He didn’t look like a girl, he looked like an adorable little man with beautiful curls. So rude lady in Primark who tried to mum shame me........ screw you!!!!

A couple of days ago we were at stay and play having fun. As you already know if you have read my blog before I have 2 boys. My youngest is one and my eldest two. The thing I like about stay and play is the security.  It is all closed in so no one gets in, (unless you sign in), no one gets out. There are also three nursery team members who help the children play, which having two and being there on my own is very helpful. My boys are fiercely independent and strong willed, just the way we have raised them to be. For all of those  reasons it doesn’t worry me when they wander off to different types of play in the stay and play environment as long as I can see them. On my last visit I sat playing bricks with Mr S while Mr B messed in the water play. I could see him clearly and he could see me. After about 2 minutes of play it happened, I was mum shamed. Another mama very loudly shouted a nursery staff member, everyone turned round. "There is a little boy at the water play on his own. He’s been there about 10 minutes with no adult, he’s only a baby". I wanted the ground to swallow me. In that split second I had images of social services arriving, my worst parent award being prepared , then it hit me. This crazy woman was wrong. He had been there 2 minutes not 10, he was supervised I just wasn’t stood behind him and he isn’t a baby, he is a little boy developing his independence and social skills. I stood up red faced and the team member turned to me and said, "don’t you worry, the point of stay and play is some independence for mum and child". Just what i needed to hear. Thank Goodness that woman was there to help straighten my mummy crown and remind me I’m great. So mummy who shamed me  at stay and play .... screw you too.

My most recent mum shame moment was when I was shopping in the supermarket.  I have this pram.

I had Mr S on top and Mr B underneath because he needed to fall asleep and there are less distractions on the bottom. While I was sorting Mr S out who had dropped his drink on himself a lady came up to comment how cute he was. She notices Mr B underneath as she was leaving. “poor baba shoved underneath, I bet your forgotten down there, poor baba” then she left.
I felt like shouting after her “no lady he is not forgotten, why would i forget i came out with two little people just because one is lower”
I mean come on lady, it’s not hard to parent on more than one level, literally

A lot can be learned from these examples and the way they made me feel. The main thing I want you all to take away is every mama is doing the best they can, the way they WANT to. Stop shaming your fellow mamas, (and papas too for that matter), it hurts peoples feelings. Not just any people’s feelings either, the most tired people, and tired people can snap. You poke the parenting beast you may get bitten, you have  been warned.

Good day to you x

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday


  1. I agree we are all trying so hard and we need to support one another rather than competing. The haircut pics are so adorable #KCACOLS

  2. oh dear, people always have something to say don't they. we go to stay and play too and the kids often play alone while the parents natter. we are all watching our kids tho but letting them get on! #KCACOLS

  3. Good grief!Such a shame you have come across so many pillocks!Your little man's hair is very similar to my middle child's I loved it and I was quite upset when he got it cut because they suddenly look all grown up!Well done for rising above it so blimmin' rude x #kcacols

  4. I'm really angry for you on all of those counts..even with his curly hair definitely a boy, and a gorgeous one at that...that mum in the soft play..if that was me and I was actually concerned I would quietly look around to see if he is being watched..or watch him myself or quietly go to a staff member but as you say they are meant to go play solo..Its not like you left him solo next to a 50 ft deep pool. The shouting bit is unkind. Also I am only graced with one little but if I had two I would have this pram two as my best friend has 2 next to each other but has hell with doors, busses, people in the way etc! If he was forgotten he wouldn't be in the buggy..he would be left at home or something. I really don't get why people publically shame others or try and make them feel bad, most of them are parents too and know how hard it is! Your grand don't let them get you down. Thank you for sharing and linking to #KCACOLS I hope you can link up next Sunday x

  5. Wow, people are so insensitive sometimes! What horrible experiences. I hope you came up with some good responses - I always think of what I should have said 2 hours later as I rage about it in my head 😬 #kcacols


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