A picture tells 1000 lies

One of my favourite things to do is sit and look through photographs. My mum has literally thousands of me and my sister as kids smiling and having the perfect bond in every shot, and why would she not, we were great siblings. We loved each other all the time, never fought and she definitely never locked me in a shed on my own while she had fun with her friends.

 I only print the ones where everyone is looking forward, smiling, red eye free and perfect. Why would I waste my money on putting our rubbish moments into the album? When I put together my wedding album I chose all the pics where our skin was perfect and I looked thin(ish). I wasn’t going to include the ones where I was in the background looking like princess Fiona.

I scroll through twitter, Instagram and Facebook and see perfect picture upon perfect picture. No one posts to the world a snap shot of their kids fighting, piles of laundry and mess, or their real morning hair. This got me to thinking about the saying ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’, maybe the saying should be ‘a picture tells a thousand lies’.

I posted this one to Instagram to show the world I was having a nice cup of tea and writing Mr B’s pretty christening invitations. Lovely morning activity. You will see however that they are lay on a mattress with no sheet. Just before I commenced this activity Mr S pulled off his nappy stood on my bed and pissed. I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up and stripping the bed. I decided that I didn’t need to mention this on my post. 

 Aww how cute, my new-born and my toddler. Look how they are lay so happily together they clearly love each other. This was a perfect shot of how they lie all the time so I posted it to Facebook to show the world how wonderful my boys are. I couldn't even type that with a straight face...... this was 5 seconds before. 

 

 

Mr B was less than a week old here and looks so comfy and sweet wrapped up in his monkey towel. I just had to snap a picture of my baby boy after his 1^st bath at home. I snapped the shot, my heart melted a little at how adorable this moment was, I opened the towel and there was shit everywhere. Not just any old poo, complete and utter liquid ass. Which on a side note Mr S ran over and touched.

To anyone else this is a simple picture of a gran hugging her grandson while eating in a café. This was actually the day my mum was going to see a specialist as the GP suspected she could have cancer. If you look closely you can see her eyes are tired and even though she is smiling I think she looks sad. We were in a café, but that was my idea to kill time as her appointment was early evening and that day was a bloody long day for me so I can’t imagine how it felt for her.

 

Look at the happy couple they look so fresh ad ready to start life. At the point of this pic I was really getting worried about hubby. He was shaking, sweating and drinking a lot of water. I was thinking he must be ill as when I spoke to him at 10pm the night before the wedding he told me he was off to bed to finalise his speech and be ready for the wedding. I later found out he was up till around 4am, was so drunk he left his hotel door wide open and wrote his speech on the morning of the wedding.

I love this picture as we look so happy and in love. It is a prime example of a photograph lie. This is at a wedding. I was pregnant, it was hot and I had my hormonal bitch pants on. We argued the whole time we were getting ready mainly because I thought my bump looked too fat, fell out on the way there as hubby missed a turn off and extended our journey by 5 mins, which for how angry I got may as well have been 5 hours. As soon as we got out of the car everyone was there so I painted on a smile and acted like a picture perfect family should. When we were told to kiss for the picture, I puckered up and kissed him, even though at the time I would rather of belly bounced him down a ditch.

Look at that little cutie all clean and ready for bed, what you don’t see is that Mr B had a lot of problems with milk when he was new-born and used to throw up quite a lot. I took this picture and while sending it to my mum seconds later, I heard a massive burp and Mr B projectile vomited up his full bottle. It was like in movies when you see a fire hydrant explode and fluid goes miles into the air. The bed was stripped, Mr B was stripped, even we had to get changed.

Behind every smile there may be a tear, behind every kiss their may be an argument, but most of all behind every towel there may be a shit. So next time you are looking through someones social media or photo albums and having a pang of envy. 'how do they have such a perfect life'. Remember my words  'a picture tells 1000 lies'.

Good day to you.

p.s -  please feel free to send me your 1000 lie pics x

The Ice cream farm - Mama bear's review

Review time – The Ice cream farm.  -  The Ice Cream Farm website

So I had heard nothing about this place and yet everyone I have mentioned it too has known about it and wanted to go for ages. I must walk around with my eyes closed. Hubby me and the kids set off excited and ready for fun, but mainly ready for the aforementioned ice cream.

Arrival –

We got there about an hour after opening time and they were already filling the overflow car park. There was a lot of spaces between the car parks but I’d arrive early to avoid disappointment. I think I was more excited than the boys, it was so colourful and inviting.

When you arrive you just wander straight in as entrance is free, that is unless you want to pay upfront for several play activities. They have an option which will reduce the individual cost of activities by paying for a bundle in one go, and you don’t have to use them all in one visit, you can bring them back next time. But otherwise great as no queuing to get in. There is loads of sign posts around the place so really easy to find your way around, even for a dunce like me.

Activities –

The park as soon as you walk in is AMAZING. Suitable for all ages, in fact it took everything in me not to run at it myself. There is ice cream and bright colours everywhere, I literally felt like I had won the golden ticket and was walking into Willy Wonka’s factory, especially with all the umpa lumpas running round, (actually I think they were just children but imagination never hurt anyone). Only thing to think about is if you go on a sunny day, there is very little shade so ensure hats and plenty of sun cream.

The ice cream tree in the middle has a countdown and when it reaches zero you hear magical music and bubbles and foam blow out of the top. Every kid in the park loved it and joined in with 10 second countdown, hands in the air and smiles on faces.

Fudge farm is quite basic; however, it is free so what do you expect. There are pigs, chickens, rabbits and a few donkeys. More than enough to amuse younger children. Just again no shade so watch out on the 10-12 sunny days we get in the UK each year. On a side note the farm has great hand washing facilities which is nice to see. 

Honeycomb canon is a wonderful idea and was a nice break from the sun, (or rain if you go on a normal British day). It is a huge indoor water and sand play area. Both of my 2 under 2 loved it and every child in there was running around and enjoying themselves. I even saw some adults joining in and having water fights. It was very reasonably priced, Mr B who is 8 months was free and Mr S who is 21 months was only £3.00. You were allocated an hours play time to prevent congestion, which was more than enough time. It was full of taps, pumps, twisters and sandpits. It really was a child’s dream and a fantastic sensory experience with both wet and dry. I would travel back again if only for this. You do need to bring a spare outfit and towel for the kids or they are going to be wet all day.

There were several other activities which unfortunately my two were a bit young to enjoy. I will be taking my 8-year-old stepson next time and he will defiantly be taking part in the other things. There was Strawberry falls mini golf, complete with a strawberry waterfall, Mini quad bikes, JCB diggers to make giant ice cream scoops, indoor soft play and a loft which I believe was like a mini arcade.

Food –

 I read online before we arrived at The Ice Cream Farm that they did not allow picnics. It explained that due to entrance being free and the extra activities being so reasonable priced, food was their main source of revenue. As soon as I read this I panicked. There was no menu online so I presumed it would be stupidly priced and I would need to sell a kidney on the way out to feed the family. I was very pleasantly surprised. Everything on The Pantry menu was reasonably priced, I’d even go as far as to say cheap. I ordered 2 toasties, chips and a meal for my son and it came in at just over £10. Winner. At that price I wouldn’t bother bringing a picnic even if I could. There were other food outlets which seemed to be just as fairly priced. On my next visit I will defiantly be visiting the pie stand.

Dessert – 

 Well the clue is in the title. There was sooooo many flavours that I will have to go back just to try the others. Between the four of us we were swopping and scooping at each other’s so we had a nice variety of flavours, and again paid a fair price. The queue was a little long, but I expected this as it’s part of the novelty to get an ice cream. It moved really quickly as the staff were clearly master scoopers. The lady who served us was really friendly and patient with hubbby when he just couldn’t decide between Ferrero and mint choc chip.

Gift shop –

 Lovely little gift shop on the way out, which had a little pocket money table as well for if your already spent up. I could of spent all day in the little book corner but by this point I had two very tired children so made a swift exit.

Overall a perfect family day out. Reasonably priced entertainment for all ages. Tasty food at a fair price and magnificent ice cream. We spent about 4 hours there and could have spent longer if little legs weren’t getting tired. Thank you The Ice Cream Farm for a great day, I’m sure we will see you again soon.