Friday, 17 February 2017

A letter to my boys

To my boys,

I’m sorry for many things in life, most of the things I’m sorry for are related to you two beautiful boys. I do and say lots of things which I wish I could take back but I can’t so instead I am offering you an apology.


I’m sorry that I tell you peppa pig has gone to bed so we cant watch it. I am lying to you. She isn’t in bed at all, she is there, waiting in the television. The truth is I just can’t stand that little bitch, nor can I stand her whingey little brother. Don’t even get me started on her waste of space of a father and that Rabbit with the annoying voice who does every bloody job in pig land.


I’m sorry that I disappear sometimes. I will never be able to apologise enough to you both that sometimes I can’t face the world. I know your fine being with papa bear or gran, I just wish I could  be there everyday too. I would also like to make a promise to you both, I will continue to fight my depression with every bit of strength I have, I never want you to feel the impact of my depression, and if I get my way you never will.

I’m sorry I eat your jammy dodgers when you are asleep. I just seem to get the munchies as soon as I hear your little snores. See what happens is I decide not to buy myself any snacks, if I don’t have them, I can’t eat them. Simple diet technique. However I have to buy your little treats so when the munchies inevitably come, I’m forced to eat your delicious biscuits.

I’m sorry I tell little white lies. I do it out of  love. The tiny lies I teach you today will not only help you learn the way to behave, they will be useful when you have your own misbehaving children. You know the lies I’m talking about. ‘Santa’s watching you to see if you go straight to sleep’, ‘picking your nose will make your nose fall off’, ‘you can’t go in/on there , it’s closed/broken’ and my personal favourite, ‘daddy’s better at it than me’. I mean come on boys we all know I’m better than daddy at everything, I just tell that white lie when I don’t what to do something.......... “let dada change your diarrhoea nappy, he’s better at it than mama”


I’m sorry I can be impatient sometimes. One day I’ll miss you taking 20 minutes to get up three steps or demanding to do something without my help, when you need my help. It can  be hard to enjoy those things in the here and now, especially when you take it in turns. I will always do my best to stop, take a breath and then let you try again. I might just have to say sorry for shouting a few times. Trust me boys, I feel much worse than you two when I shout at you and see your little sad face.

I’m sorry we can’t paint every single day. If we did I would be a nervous wreck in the corner with paint brushes in my ears, babbling about carpet cleaner. It takes me about 20 minutes to set everything up, 1 hour to clean up and you paint for 10 minutes before your bored and running round with paint hands, touching everything. I love you to the ends of the earth and I would do anything for you, but in the words of meatloaf, I won’t do that.

Finally I’m sorry I over share. I blog, tweet, Facebook and Instagram. I just can’t help it. I love showing the world how funny, intelligent and beautiful you are. When your 18 you will hate me for all the pictures I shared and stories I told. When your 28 you will thank for me for documenting so many memories for you to look back on and share with your babies, (hopefully)


Good day to you boys
Xxxxxx

32 comments:

  1. Awww, you sound like a wonderful mother! I'm sure your boys think the world of you.

    Xo,

    Megan at Lush to Blush

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  2. This sounds really nice but I'm sorry to hear about your depression..

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    1. Don't be sorry, it's just a hurdle x

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  3. That's such a sweet post but you needn't feel bad about how you act, that's parenthood. All parents tell their kids white lies as it's part of life x

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    1. I know, my mama used to tell me when the street lights came on it was illegal for children to play out

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  4. I also have depression and little white lies is a necessity for any parent to stay sane. It did make me chuckle about peppa pig!

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    1. What would we do without little white lies?

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  5. Aww... It was a beautiful piece to read. I have a big smile on my face all the time. Your kids are adorable. And you have a good sense of humour.

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    1. Thank you so much, your sweet to say

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  6. Some lovely photos to go along with an honestly beautiful letter. My mum made me laugh recently saying she hated my kiddy programmes. I honestly used to think she loved them! haha. I fear being a mum with depression, but you sound like an inspiration x

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    1. Thank you that is such a lovely thing to say x

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  7. Aww lovely. This is a very sweet & honest post, I hope you don't really feel guilty about these things. You have no reason to. You are obviously an amazing mum and your little guys think the world of you xxxx

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  8. Such a sweet and honest post we all tell little white lies from time to time

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  9. Aww .. this is so beautiful. I remember when my kids were little and I needed to escape every once and a while .. just to stay sane. They're so lucky to have you. You're doing a great job .. remind yourself (often)

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  10. I love these types of posts, I wonder if one day they'll read it. You deserve a break, so try not to feel too guilty about it xo

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  11. What a lovely heart felt post, try not to feel guilty though hun as parents we all do what we have to do to get through the day and we are all just doing our best. I am sure you are a fantastic mummy, peppa pig and painting or not lol. xx

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    1. Surely all mamas hate painting and peppa though right?

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  12. Brilliant post! That Rabbit in Peppa Pig is exhausting! She needs to stop. She makes me want to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep!

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  13. I have to say i really wnjoyed reading this post, apart feom the depression. You have 2 greta boys there and they will thank you when they are older. Again really great post. I will have to share this on facebook too.

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    1. Thanks kevinced, sweet of you to say and share x

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  14. what an honest and emotional read, lovely. Sorry to hear you're battling depression. Big hugs xxx

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  15. Lovely post. I think every parent can relate to these things! It's not easy being a mamma!

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  16. Ah some of these points are so lovely - I love your point about taking 20 minutes to get up the stairs. So frustrating at the time but yes, I miss it now. Don't feel bad about the Jammy Dodgers -every parent does it!

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    1. Do they really? I don't feel so bad now. X

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