I’m sorry for many things in life, most of the things I’m sorry for are related to you two beautiful boys. I do and say lots of things which I wish I could take back but I can’t so instead I am offering you an apology.
I’m sorry that I tell you peppa pig has gone to bed so we cant watch it. I am lying to you. She isn’t in bed at all, she is there, waiting in the television. The truth is I just can’t stand that little bitch, nor can I stand her whingey little brother. Don’t even get me started on her waste of space of a father and that Rabbit with the annoying voice who does every bloody job in pig land.
I’m sorry that I disappear sometimes. I will never be able to apologise enough to you both that sometimes I can’t face the world. I know your fine being with papa bear or gran, I just wish I could be there everyday too. I would also like to make a promise to you both, I will continue to fight my depression with every bit of strength I have, I never want you to feel the impact of my depression, and if I get my way you never will.
I’m sorry I eat your jammy dodgers when you are asleep. I just seem to get the munchies as soon as I hear your little snores. See what happens is I decide not to buy myself any snacks, if I don’t have them, I can’t eat them. Simple diet technique. However I have to buy your little treats so when the munchies inevitably come, I’m forced to eat your delicious biscuits.
I’m sorry I tell little white lies. I do it out of love. The tiny lies I teach you today will not only help you learn the way to behave, they will be useful when you have your own misbehaving children. You know the lies I’m talking about. ‘Santa’s watching you to see if you go straight to sleep’, ‘picking your nose will make your nose fall off’, ‘you can’t go in/on there , it’s closed/broken’ and my personal favourite, ‘daddy’s better at it than me’. I mean come on boys we all know I’m better than daddy at everything, I just tell that white lie when I don’t what to do something.......... “let dada change your diarrhoea nappy, he’s better at it than mama”
I’m sorry I can be impatient sometimes. One day I’ll miss you taking 20 minutes to get up three steps or demanding to do something without my help, when you need my help. It can be hard to enjoy those things in the here and now, especially when you take it in turns. I will always do my best to stop, take a breath and then let you try again. I might just have to say sorry for shouting a few times. Trust me boys, I feel much worse than you two when I shout at you and see your little sad face.
I’m sorry we can’t paint every single day. If we did I would be a nervous wreck in the corner with paint brushes in my ears, babbling about carpet cleaner. It takes me about 20 minutes to set everything up, 1 hour to clean up and you paint for 10 minutes before your bored and running round with paint hands, touching everything. I love you to the ends of the earth and I would do anything for you, but in the words of meatloaf, I won’t do that.
Finally I’m sorry I over share. I blog, tweet, Facebook and Instagram. I just can’t help it. I love showing the world how funny, intelligent and beautiful you are. When your 18 you will hate me for all the pictures I shared and stories I told. When your 28 you will thank for me for documenting so many memories for you to look back on and share with your babies, (hopefully)
Good day to you boys