The happiness list

Being a mama and a wife means everyday brings a mountain of emotions. I’ve found myself sat alone in tears but I have also found myself laughing so hard I peed a little. Times can be tough and when they get too tough I have to think about happiness.

I have heard eatting a troll makes you instantly happy, but if that isn't an option I try remembering what has brought a smile to my face or happy tears to my eyes in the past. It can be a huge mood changer. So here it is, my current happiness list.

1. Mr B was watching Mr S receive praise for using his potty and he wanted some of that action. While I was helping Mr S put a sticker on his potty chart for doing a wee, Mr B whipped off his nappy, sat down and dropped the kids off at the pool. The smile on his face filled me with joy. I’d been trying so hard to get Mr S on the potty I hadn’t even noticed that my littlest big man was growing up and ready too, so he showed me in the smelliest way he could.

2. Recently we went to see The Sooty show. I have always loved the theatre and want my children  to love it too. When the curtain went up and the music started their faces changed and their eyes widened.  I saw the magic of the show fill up their brains and I cried. Happy tears of course. Just seeing their enjoyment at such a simple pleasure made me warm inside.

3. Mr S loves having his hair cut so I really enjoy taking him. For his most recent hair cut I booked him in with my hairdresser for a ‘big boy haircut’. I was at work so my mama took him and sent me this picture. Seeing his little proud face is like a shot of happiness straight to the heart.

4. When I have had my hair done. I never spend money on myself, it all goes on the boys, so my hair appointment is always well overdue. When I finally get it done I walk out feeling great.

5. I can’t express how happy it makes me feel that I can now hold a conversation with Mr S. He has the level of vocabulary now that he can ask questions, answer mine, tell jokes and just like his mama bear, he is even developing his sarcasm skills. I love listening to him explain the way he sees the world, it never fails to make me chuckle.

6. My boys display affection with everyone but rarely to each other. Because these moments of love aren’t frequent they are even more special. When they give each other a clumsy cuddle, kiss to say goodnight or hold hands to help each other I instantly smile from ear to ear.

7. When I see hubby and the boys having a father son moment I feel contented. There always wrestling and chasing each other, but when I catch those quiet moments of a snuggle or reading together, that’s what happiness is made from.  I think most women learnt that in the 80’s though right?

8. This one is immature but it makes me happy so I’m saying it.  The boys have learnt that trumps are funny. Their reaction to each others wind genuinely makes me laugh out loud.


9. The Pixar short, LAVA. If you haven’t already watched it go look. It’s happiness in a bite size chunk.

10. Those quiet moments I have when the kids are asleep, I have a cup of tea And think about my loving/annoying hubby, beautiful/whiney children/stepchild and my cute/pain in the arse dog and realise I have it all.

So there it is my happiness record. There will always be sad/angry/stressed moments, sometimes even days, weeks or months. That’s life. It’s always there to get in the way of your joy. But before those shitty days get in the way again write a happiness list. Future you will thank you.

Good day to you. X

P.s - I had to read mine this morning when within an hour of being awake Mr B had bitten Mr S, the kids ate my toast and the dog pissed on my chair....while I was sat on it.

Mama bears shame - part 2

As in mama bears shame part one, this blog is all about the rant. I’d hoped that after my last session of throwing my anti parent shaming thoughts out there, that it would be the end of it. I’d really hoped that I would never again have to endure judges while I was trying to simply parent.

My hopes, unfortunately were not the case. I still encounter mummy shamers in my day to day life. I’m honestly sick of people with too much time on their hands judging my parenting. It makes me doubt myself as a mama which is a feeling that no parent should have to feel.

So here we go with mama bears shame - part 2

This week i took the boys to an indoor play centre. I never allow them in the under 2’s section as I don’t want them to impose on an area where baby’s can play. They are both too rough and clumsy. This day there were only two other families in there and no one using the baby area. The door to it had been left open so when Mr B ran in I didn’t hurry him out. I went to a table to take my coat off and sort myself out. As I mentioned earlier the play centre was next to empty so I could see my boys quite well from my table.

Next thing a lady came running across the play centre wailing “WHO’S IS THIS LITTLE BOYS MUMMY, WHO IS WITH THIS LITTLE BOY”.
I felt everyone’s eyes burning into me. Sure it was only two parents, two staff, this woman  and someone coming in, but that was enough.  I was mortified.  I sheepishly held my hand up.
 “he’s mine, why is there a problem”.
“yes, this door to the play area can’t be left open”
“O.K. that’s fine just close it”
Then she shamed me, shamed me so hard it left a mark.
“should you not really be in there supervising him”

I was that close I could practically here his farts, I admit I wasn’t inside the actual play pen but I was there getting ready to play with my boys. I was in so much shock and embarrassment I didn’t even argue back. It took me a minute to digest what she had said and realise she was in the wrong. He was being supervised, the gate had only been open because it was already open and my child was the only one in there.

As if that wasn’t bad enough there has been more shaming.

Hubby and I took the boys to a trampolining place. It was so much fun, (except that I peed a little, note to self, look after your pelvic floor mama bear.) The boys were getting hungry and thirsty so we took them off the trampolines to go refuel.  Mr S was fine with this but wanted to be carried , which was fine as Mr B or Mr independent as he is also known likes walking. Hubby went to the lockers leaving me with them both. At that moment Mr B decided to be, for want of a better word, a dick! He ran as fast as his chunky little legs would carry him towards some stairs. Struggling with Mr S in one arm I attempted to grab Mr B, who promptly threw himself to floor and began screaming blue murder.

Now I understand that people might turn heads and look, I mean if you hear screaming you instinctively need to see where it’s coming from and I’m ok with those people.  I am not ok with the woman who continued to stare at me struggling to hold a 2 year old while prying a pissed off 1 year old off the floor/step. I’m even more not ok that the same woman then  shook her head at me and made an over the top tut.
Managing two young children is tough. Managing two children while one of them is in full melt down is really tough, also embarrassing, so why would any other human being feel the need to judge someone who is doing their best in a tough situation.

My final mama bear shame felt a lot more personal than the others. It did more than shame me it hurt me. I was engaging in conversation with another mama who I hadn’t met before. She had a 6 year old with her and was pregnant. The conversation got onto my boys and their ages.
I told my fellow mum that my children were one and two and her reaction shocked me.
“sorry did you say 1 and 2”
“ yes, they have 13 months between them”
“oh how awful for them. They are never going to have time to grow alone and discover who they are”

I was so shocked and hurt by her response that I just nodded and ended the conversation.  I look back now and think why didn’t I stand up for myself? I should have told that silly woman that my boys are perfectly aware of who they are. I should have stood up for myself, but I didn’t because that’s what mummy shaming does. It makes mamas feel like they are doing something wrong, makes them doubt themselves, makes them believe they are failing in the most important job they will ever do in their life.

I really hope there won’t be a mama bears shame part 3 but I seriously doubt that. There are far too many small minded people out there with far too much time on their hands. If you have the unfortunate luck of meeting one of these people, just remember mamas and papas,

You are doing a dam good job, there is no right or wrong way to parent, just do it your way and make it work. Enjoy your children, you got this.

Good day to you x

How clean is your bear cave

When you have children in the house, or even just a hubby like mine, you will spend the majority of your waking hours cleaning. It seems that no matter how hard you try to get on top, there is always more mess. So I am going to share with you all mama bears top ten tips to manage cleaning in your bear cave.

1. Who really has the time to break out the duster everyday. If the sides are dusty crack out the baby wipes. What’s good for baby’s butt is good for dust. Another tip when it comes to dust, only have short friends, you only need to dust as high as your tallest friend.

2. If your children insist on getting out every toy they have within 5 seconds, then you have the same issue I do. Messy kids room. My cleaning tip here is so simple and yet effective. Shut the door. The mess can’t be seen and as far as anyone knows there’s an Instagram worthy nursery behind that door.

3. When the dishes are starting to resemble a game of kitchen top jenga and you have guests on the way, don’t panic. Fill the sink with hot soapy water, add the dirty dishes and walk away. This way your guests will think your just leaving your dishes to soak, not just too lazy to wash pots.

4. My favourite cleaning tip is when the bin needs emptying. Who wants to put on their shoes and go out to the bin with a heavy bin bag in the rain? Not me. Instead of putting all that effort in simply point it out to your partner and tell them how much you’ve already done today, (I’ve probably not done much but hubby doesn’t need to know that), rather than  listen to you moan, they’ll just take out the rubbish.

5. When it comes to the bathroom it’s the sniff test. If it smells of pee, (I live with hubby, a potty trainer and an 8 year old with poor aim, so it usually does), you unfortunately have to clean it, if it doesn’t smell like pee, your fine. Just walk away you have another day or two.

6. Sometimes your home will become a bit overwhelmed with all the stuff you acquire. When this time arises you are in need of a good clear out.  There are two was too go about said clear out. Spend hours maybe even days wading through cupboards and shelves throwing away anything you haven’t used or even looked at in 6 months, then make the tiresome journey to the charity shop with your bags of unwanted items, Or take my advice. clear out the mama bear way. Find a near empty cupboard and fill it up with all that crap. That’s where it will stay and the cupboard will now be known as ‘the crap cupboard’.

7. Clothes have to be washed, that’s a given, especially with messy children.  Save time afterwards, instead of wasting time putting the clean clothes away put  all clean  clothes in a basket and simply take items out of the basket as you need them, until there are no clean  clothes left, then repeat.

8. Once every so often you are going to have to clean  properly, I know it makes me sad too. My tip for keeping your home clean. Do not allow your husband or children back into the house ...... ever. If you do have to let hubby back in, put him on a promise. No one cleans faster than a man expecting to get lucky.

9. When the day does come where real cleaning has to take place, put on queen and pretend your Freddie Mercury. Nothing makes me hoover fiercer than pretending to be Freddie as a moustached woman.

10. Get rich, hire a maid, sit down and eat ice cream.

I hope my 10 tips will help you have a more relaxed cleaning experience. I must warn you though, following my tips may result in mice, dirt build up and a staring slot on How clean is your house.

Good day to you xx

Here comes Autumn

If you didn't find what you were looking for, try again using more specific search terms.I'm so happy right now because my favourite time of year is upon us. Hello Autumn I've missed your beautiful face. There are so many reasons why autumn is my most favourite time of the year, here are a few to get you excited for the coming months.

 

1.  It's getting cold. Now some people might see this as a bad thing I however see the positive in the cold. It’s so much easier to get dressed. I am a huge fan of snuggly jumpers and layers, they are so much more flattering than maxi dresses and vests and who wouldn't want to feel comfortable. 

(I think this will be my new jumper addition. I need to get my butt down to Plushbirds on pay day, its only £15 too. Click HERE if you want one.)

2. We can start wearing dressing gowns and slippers again. Which means 2 wonderful things. The first being that I get to go shopping for new robes and slippers. The second that my boys look super adorable and snuggly in their dressing gowns. Mr S loves his and wakes up every morning shouting "mama...... robe"

3. These boots are made for walking. I'm sick of sandals and flip flops. They make my feet ache and I have to keep on top of pedicures. With autumn comes boot weather. I have several pairs of boots varying from flats to heels.  I don't know what it is about putting boots on, they just make you feel ready to take on the world.

4. Autumn brings this wonderful smell. I can always tell that summer is coming into autumn because the evenings have this crisp smell of cold, I wish I could bottle it. The further into the season we get the better the smell, it gets colder and the smell of bonfires and fireworks begins to sneak in. Plus, all the shops starting stocking Christmas candles meaning there is a constant aroma of spiced apple and cinnamon.

5. The darker nights and mornings. Don't get me wrong I do miss the long summer days but the dark is better. There is something about night creeping in earlier that makes you feel homely and gives you the need to snuggle. Plus, it seems to be helping the kids sleep in past 5am which is a bonus in anyone's book.

6. As autumn brings the cold the food gets better. No more salads and light lunches as it's too warm to eat a big tea.  Bring on the beef casserole, corned beef ash and roast dinners. I also seem to use the slow cooker a lot more which means that lovely moment of coming home to the smell of cooking.

7. Walks become so much more pretty. I love throwing on our winter coats and wellingtons and going for a wander. Mother nature releases all her beauty this time of year. From frosty patches on the ground too red and orange leaves. I could walk in the woods all day looking at the beauty.

8. Television gets better. The little people in the box save all their best stuff up for now. They know we won't be sat in the garden or out in the sun in the evenings so they give us TV gold. The prime example of this being that walking dead starts in a few weeks.

9. Halloween. I'm just a big kid really I love dressing up. Now I have children I have an excuse to get into Halloween. I won't just be the weird woman sat on her own dressed as a devil. We pick our own pumpkins at the farm and then carve them, we dress up, the kids play Halloween games. It's just such fun. This year Mr S is old enough to really get involved so I'm going to town, cue scary decorations and hocus pocus film night.

10. Hats and scarves. A nice woolly scarf and hat not only blocks out the cold, it also makes you feel like a lil snow bunny. I also love hat weather as it means, messy hair don't care. Just throw a hat on and be on with your day.

So they are my main reasons for loving autumn.  I forgot the main one though. It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Have an amazing autumn guys and dolls.

Good day to you xx

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Hi, my name is bear, mama bear

I suppose I should really tell you a bit about me before I start. I am 27 and I have two beautiful children. Mr S is 20 months old and Mr B is 7 months old. They look and act completely different from each other but are both perfect in their own way. I have a stepson Mr J. He is 7 years old and I have been in his life since he was 4. He is completely different from my two boys and is well known for asking let’s say unusual questions and coming out with even more unusual comments. His best this month was when he told my sister after a fall that he had broken his nipples. I am married to a wonderful man. I know everyone says that but I really believe it. 5 months after getting together I had a breakdown and spent a lot of time in and out of counselling and doctor’s appointments. Throughout this he stood by me and helped me to become the woman and mother I am today.








As a mama of two beautiful little men under two years of age, I have a lot to both rant and cheer about. For example, today they both napped at exactly the same time, meaning a nap for me, (woooo mini mama fist pump), however they both woke up in terrible moods and my eldest, Mr S, snatched my glasses straight off my face and threw them in his toy box, cue me squinting and rummaging blind through endless dinosaurs and things that make noise.








Despite my son being a glasses thief I honestly think that my two boys are by biggest achievement in life. Threw them I grow and learn something new everyday. Today I learnt that jeans are rubbish on a slide and will slow you right down, what a big butt like mine needs is a smooth surface like cotton. So I decided to put on my long cardigan which covered my bum and created a great seat for the giant slide in the play centre, however I picked up too much speed, couldn't stop myself and wiped out two children at the bottom. I apologised profusely to their parents but I could see their judgemental looks. I understand they were angry that their little cherubs got wiped out by the fat woman whizzing down the slide, but hey, when you get to the bottom of the slide, MOVE!








The other difficult thing about these play centre type places is when another child does something to yours, like snatch their toy or push them out of the way to get on the slide first. Instantly your protective mama bear instinct kicks in and you are angry, sooooooo angry. Your first thought is, if I drop kick that kid will anyone notice, then you remember there is CCTV and their mother/father/guardian is watching them too and ya know their a kid. So you go with the only thing which is socially acceptable, make eye contact with the parent, let out a fake chuckle, usually followed by the words "o don't worry it's usually mine that do that". All the while thinking my beautiful perfect prince would never do that he is a delicate soul and ...... o wait, while I was thinking that he just threw a ball at that girls’ head.








 It's like a jungle out there, dog eat dog. I suppose it is preparing them for real life when people will push them down slides to amuse themselves, or throw them in the ball pool to make a path for themselves. I try and stand back and let them have some independence in a place like that for exactly for exactly that reason. I want them to be confident, to stand out in a crowd and to lead the way. What better place to start than in a group of runny nose toddlers all wanting the same talking phone?





So that was my day and also my first blog. Tomorrow I am taking Mr S and Mr B swimming. No doubt I will have plenty to write about after that, I just pray my second blog in no way includes the sentence, ‘and then he pooed in the pool’.





Good day to you X

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Mama bears trip to the hospital

Monday started off well. I went for a walk with the kids, had a look at some flowers, nipped in Asda and bought far too many 'bargains' that I probably don't need. Earlier in the week I had been a bit ill but was feeling on the mend, so it was nice to be out with the boys.

 Later that day my mum had to phone an ambulance for me, I won't go into too much detail all you need to know is I was in extreme pain and I clearly wasn't on the mend. A few years ago my main feeling at this point would of been fear that I was having to go in an ambulance and that there was something wrong with me, however now I have children my feelings have changed. While I lay on the sofa writhing in pain, sweating and crying my only feeling was guilt. Guilt, that my beautiful Mr S and Mr B were having to see their mummy like this, that they were going to see paramedics take their mummy away. Mr S is old enough to understand that something is wrong and that mama is being taken away in a chair, but not old enough to explain why.

 

  Once I was in a&e waiting for results and letting my pain relief take hold I had a lot of time to think. It's amazing how once you have produced little people your thought process changes completely. Pre babies I would have been frightened that I was all alone in the hospital as there was no one to come with me and that there was talk of a very scary lumbar puncture, post babies I was wracked with worry that I hadn't had time to prepare a nappy bag for my mum due to the sudden onset of pain. While the doctor was telling me what they were going to poke and prod next, I was honestly lay there thinking if my mum would be able to find wipes and dummy's.

 Obviously all my worries were unnecessary as super gran to the rescue, handled both of them like a pro, wipes or no wipes. No matter how many times she messages me to tell me the kids are fine and sends pics of them eating and playing I still worry. Worry that my mum shouldn't have to be looking after 2 under 2 for such a long period of time, (hubby is working and they have kept me in), to the point that I find myself bargaining with the nurse for an early release, (I'm aware I'm not in prison, however with barred windows that don't open and a woman who swears more than me in the next bed, I may as well be). So many nurses, doctors and everyone else in uniform asked if I had children, to which my answer was clearly, "yes I have two under two", every healthcare professional gave me the same answer, "well, I can see why your here putting up with that then". No offence intended but I can see why those people went into healthcare and not stand up!

In fact, I told hubby to stay at home with the kids instead of visiting me, that was partly because I wanted my mum too have a break from my monkeys and partly because when he does visit he is a pain in the butt. He literally becomes a child, trying to pull a Moonie at me before the doc comes back in, making glasses out of pill cups. I asked him why he acts this way as he was the same when I was in labour. “I’m trying to distract you from feeling ill”, trust me hubby seeing your butt crack isn’t helping me feel un-ill.

Luckily I'm home now and everything is slowly getting back to normal, although I feel like I've gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. The boys are none the wiser to my pain, in their eyes I have just been to the shop. In the past I probably would have spent the next few days in bed feeling sorry for myself and enjoying the pain relief. Times have changed. I am having to grit my teeth and smile through the pain while entertaining my boys, I have no other choice, but I wouldn't have it any other way, (well maybe hubby here but the penny's won't earn themselves). In fact, the nurse gave me some sick bowels for my journey home, which thankfully I didn't need to make use of, so that was our morning sorted, a nice sit down activity where mama bear could semi rest, sick bowel hats.

Good day to you x

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